For My Girlfriends

I’m no relationship expert, but if Steve Harvey can do it I did snag a pretty great catch.  Before the marriage and the baby in the baby carriage I genuinely enjoyed my single days and will always be a happy-go-lucky single gal at heart. So this is my small gesture  at sharing some tidbits about dating and enjoying the single life until a smart, charming man who is capable of acknowledging how badd you truly are is fortunate enough to be blessed by your life long company.

Disclaimer:  I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about so try these tips at your risk. will not be held accountable for your meeting any losers or cornballs as a result of this post.  😉

  • In high school and college the dating opportunities for many of us were endless.  Why?  I believe it’s because it was a controlled environment of groups of persons who were more or less on the same level.  Dating in the “real world” is the exact opposite.  It is uncontrolled and unstrained with no filter to weed out those who are so far from you’re level that they may as well be on another planet. So, why not go back to school?  Personally, there’s hardly anything sexier than a man with interests and education.  If you mirror my sentiment on this subject, and you too have a bit of an eclectic personality, try enrolling in a workshop or a 6-8 week community college course in photography, graphic design, or foreign language.  A boxing, cooking, or bartending class may also be a fun time with the possible bonus of meeting someone.  Whichever class/workshop you decide to enroll in, ensure that it’s an activity that you’d enjoy.  Leaving with a date is additional!
  • Opt to go to lunch or dinner solo in lieu of a ladies night.  We can get pretty preoccupied with our girlfriends, especially by drink number 3. The next time you’re in the mood for a happy hour appetizer and drink fly solo.  Note:  There is no “s” on the end of “drink.  Begin drunk and alone is not sexy and is a frustrating mess.  If you feel a little silly or of self-conscious sitting alone, bring along some fun literature to keep you busy, or at least to give the illusion that you look busy.  Nix the chronic texting for an hour or so.  Flying solo can be grown and sexy.  You may attract someone who otherwise may not have noticed you.
  • Although the mall seems to be completely dedicated to women’s fashion and keeps us more broke than we’d care to admit, there are still some stores solely focused on men’s fashion.  Use this as an opportunity to window shop for a possible date.  Now before I take this any further take note that I do not endorse the look of desperation or stalking, so apply this tip with some modestly and finesse.  While out shopping for yourself, take a trip to a men’s store/department that you’d want your future man to shop.  Select a couple of items and ask Cutie if the look you’ve pulled together is appropriate for your dad, nephew, cousin, or some other made up platonic character who you can actually make appear later on down the road in case this thing goes somewhere.  This tip is a bit cheesy I know, but give it go.  Be creative and modify it as you see fit.
  • Consider the character of the man you hope to meet.  Is he the type of man who’d spend time in a library perusing non-fiction titles? Or is he more likely to be found at a trendy karaoke bar?  Maybe neither.  Does he find wine tasting appealing, or will he be found in line at a Ticket Master Box Office scoring tickets to Kevin Hart’s standup?  A certain type of man may never consider wine tasting (before meeting you that is) while another may make it a part of his bi-monthly weekend schedule.  Take this into consideration when you find yourself getting dolled up with the hopes of using your “good outfit” on the one you may eventually spend your time with.  I’ll encourage you not to be too rigid in applying this “character check” as you might unexpectedly meet someone in your “lounge outfit” in a place that you wouldn’t think you’d meet a quality man.
  • Assess yourself.  The same effort you put into constructing either a mental or tangible list of all the great attributes you expect your future partner to have you need to certainly put into assessing what you bring to the table.  Should you not be able to be honest in your self-assessment pull together 1 or 2 trusted allies whose opinion you trust and ask that they be the balance to your check and balance.  I do not encourage self-assessment to imply that you are the cause or the pause in your possibly stagnant relationship journey, but I encourage it because it’s a necessary tool to gauge whether you’re ready – despite your desire – to be in a relationship with someone other than yourself.  The assessment may reveal areas in your character or personality that may need to be massaged.  We all have these areas.  For some of us they could be sure reasons that stand of your way.  Be reminded that no fella should “complete” you.  You alone should be a complete and whole person before you met him.
  • Lastly, enjoy dating.  I understand that with age, and yes I dare to say, ticking clocks, enjoying the process of dating can be a bit cumbersome when all we care to do is press fast forward and get on with the marriage, at least the engagement.  Relationships take time to mature and will always do so even after the two of you become committed.  But the initial meet and greet and courtship is the foundation, and is one of the most enjoyable experiences you will have as an unmarried lady.  Savor it.  And frankly, the guy has no allegiance to you in the first phase(s) of your journey and shouldn’t really be expected to perform partner duties in the first 2 weeks of meeting you unless you’re Khloe or Kim Kardashian you slipped him a fresh batch of Love Potion No. 9 in his sweet tea.

Ladies, again, I’m no relationship expert but I am in the profession of improving the quality of life of people and communities.  If you’re a dare devil and have just a little faith in me and my cheesy tips give them a try and do come back and share with us your experiences.  Happy dating!



  1. Portia Wall

    I may be a little bias but I definitely think that what you have said here are sound dating options for the many quality, well-rounded, “great catches” in the Women that I know will read this (including yours truly of course). I hope that the “fellas” also take a few notes;)

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