Sh*t We Wish Mother’s Would Stop Saying & Doing to Their Sons

There must be a direct correlation between the sh*t mothers do and say to their sons that have honed certain characteristics that their partners wish would disappear.  Do you know him?  How about his mother?

Mama “That’s my baby” – This mother breeds the quintessential Mama’s Boy.  She still washes his clothes, plans and prepares a weeks worth of home cooked meals (sounds wonderful, but let the MAN get it how he lives), and essentially cripples him to be dependent on the her for everything from housekeeping to relationship advice.  She is the first woman, and as a mother, I admit, probably the woman who loves him more than anyone on this Earth, to love him (and his dirty drawers).  She cannot be replaced.  And this Mama will make sure that her son forever cleaves to him and keeps her number one.  Always.  He has no reason to stray from her.  After all who else is going to iron his drawers, wake up at the crack of dawn to fix him a T-bone steak and eggs, fresh squeezed orange juice, and perfectly toasted bread with the edges cut off?  If that’s you, honey you are badd!

Why We Don’t Like Him:

In general, women are attracted to men of power and strength.  The sheer definition of Mama’s Boy does not equate to power or strength.  While initially we love that he loves his mother and is respectful of the woman who gave birth to him, we don’t care for men who are easily influenced (at least not by someone other than the one he’s sleeping with) by any person outside of the relationship.  In a committed relationship we desire to be number one on his list of priorities.  If his top priority is fulfilling Mom’s every want and need, he will clearly not be able to save room for you at the top of his bucket list.  

Mama “You’re my King” – Now I’ll probably catch a bit of heat of this generalization.  It’s somewhat of a double-edged sword in the sense that a mother should teach her son that he is to be the man of the home, but not her home.  I confess that I take slight issue with mothers who raise their young boys to be the king of the castle.  At 7 years of age a young boy shouldn’t be burdened with the load of being the “man” of the house.  While it’s great to instill self-esteem and a sense of manhood into a growing young man, as a child or adolescence he cannot be made to feel as though he is responsible for the home.  Because he carries the weight of being the King of the castle every decision is his to make. Every problem within his reign is his alone and the solution is up to him to create.  This Mama produces a man who is in a constant state of stress and anxiety and usually isolates himself and has the tendency to be angry, but is unable to communicate his frustration.

Why We Don’t Like Him:

The King either begins believing the hype that Mama has created and can be ridiculously arrogant or frustratingly non-communicative feeling that he is solely responsible for every problem, decision, and solution.  He will not solicit your input on many matters. It’s safe to say that it’s common knowledge that most men aren’t as great of communicators as their counterparts, but  The King may be even less of a communicator because he is use to reigning independently.  Getting him to share his frustrations may be a challenge, but if he’s not too egotistical to allow for a Queen to rule along side of him, he could be a keeper.

Mama “Don’t Be a Punk” – Hear ye, hear ye:  A man can be sensitive and affectionate without being deemed a punk or a sissy.  That being said, I personally don’t care to be on the arm of a man who cries at the drop of a dime or needs a hug for every time that his team loses a game.  If he did he wouldn’t necessarily be a sissy, he just wouldn’t be with me.  But I digress.  This Mama will straighten her son out by switch or verbal cues at the first sign of a tear.  “Quit being a punk!” She might yell.  This Mama gives us the indifferent man who is liable to toss the pink tie you bought him no matter how good he’ll look wearing it with his gray suit citing that pink is for the likes of Cam’ron little girls.

Why We Don’t Like Him:

He quite often will struggle with expressing his feelings and may not even have any empathy towards your emotions.  Because he has been stifled, his upbringing can lead to a host of personality disorders.  Narcissism and anxiety to name two.  Try dealing with a narcissistic man who by definition can be hugely hyper sensitive to any form of criticism no matter how much honey you put on it.  Dealing with this type of man can be very challenging and can ignite feeling of stress and anxiety in you.  Thanks a lot Mom!

Mama “You’re Too Young to Settle Down” – This man could easily be pushing 50 years old and this Mama would still be telling him he’s far to good-looking and too great of a catch to settle down with her, her, or her.  No one is ever going to be good enough for her son, and frankly, you could be in the way of him meeting “The One.”  This Mama has sacrificed so much for her son to have and be all that he is today and doesn’t want for him to ruin his life by settling down too soon with a good digging hoochie like you!  He is career oriented and is collecting women as his own little display of conquests.  He has no need to settle down and Mama feels he’s just not ready yet. 

Why We Don’t Like Him:   

It’s clear.  This guy is not interested in commitment.  On paper he’s wonderful.  He has all of the qualifications of a pretty decent guy.  Problem is, his Mama has already told him that he is more than qualified as top-tier dating material and has encouraged him to live wild and free because he’s just too young, and apparently, too flyy, to settle down with one woman.  He’ll likely be pretty up front with you when he says that he’s not looking for anything “serious.”  He’s simple having a good time and will settle down in 3 to 5 years (although this was also his timeframe 3 to 5 years ago) when he’s truly ready to meet “The One.”  To get to the point, he’ll lay you down, but that’s about it.

Mama “Abandonment” – This Mama either physically or emotionally abandoned her son leaving in her midst long-term damage of his psyche, his future relationships, and even the relationship he may have with his own child(ren).  Mama’s actions will likely set off long-term effects in the form of low self-esteem, anger issues, withdrawal, and even the possibility of a cyclical effect that may impact his actions as a father resulting in him abandoning and neglecting his own child(ren).

Why We Don’t Like Him:

Well, we usually do like him.  We want to save him and shower him with the love and affection we believe he missed out on as a direct impact of his mothers’ failure to care for him as a child.  When we learn that we cannot rectify his past or the behavior of his mother, we sometimes learn that we don’t like that we are met with the resentment meant for his mother.  We don’t like that he carries bitterness that will not allow for him to nurture our relationship.

Clearly, a lengthy post could be written detailing all of the sh*t mothers shouldn’t do and say to their daughters and even a post about the sh*t fathers should say and do, but instead the post focuses on the relationship between mother and son.  And let’s face it,  these men, God love ‘em, need some guidance.  So mothers, please do the ladies of future generations a favor by not doing and saying sh*t that will cause the little ladies in the making to curse your name under her breath each time she and her mate (your son) get into an argument.

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