Today I was reminded how good vulnerability looks on women. Not my personal opinion – although a notion I subscribe to – but the overwhelming opinion of most guys, including the guy who today made a very poor attempt to persuade me into bringing my “cute” friend to a work event with me. What makes her “cute,” according to him, is that she looks “vulnerable” and “naïve.”
I know The Look – both the look that my friend gives off, and just the general look of, “that girl needs saving.” Unfortunately, (I think. Maybe? Whatever.) I have never been able to pull that look off unless actually in a dangerous situation where I am quite literally a damsel in distress.
Believe it or not I have always wished that I could pull The Look; and not just when there’s something burning on the stove and the smoke detector is wailing like a banshee betraying the look of confidence I try so hard to portray while cooking for my family.
Clearly, looking and being too vulnerable will probably be far less attractive than the woman who has just the right balance of vulnerability and naivety that somehow exudes sugar and spice and everything nice. But what does she, it – vulnerability and naivety – look like exactly? Should I widen my eyes a smidgen to look less serious (or high, as I do occasionally get asked if I’m high) and more aloof? Bat my lashes, tuck me chin towards my chest (which clearly will already be pushed out just a bit. I’m sure that can only help, not hurt), and soften my tone of voice, or put a little honey on it as I like to refer to my even and soft toned voice? I venture to say that I’d probably get, “what’s wrong with your eyes? Are you confused?” as opposed to, “hey, who’s the cute, vulnerable looking chick?” Pulling The Look off would not be very authentic for me, the very strong and assertive young lady who was born and breed into a family full of very strong women who didn’t display much vulnerability. Maybe I should blame them for the lack of innocence and vulnerability that I wish I had. I’m sure my husband is reading this thinking, which of my wife’s family members do I speak with to complain about this injustice?!?.
Don’t get me wrong I definitely feel that a woman doesn’t need to own the look of vulnerability and still she could be womanly. I am “that woman” and there’s no mistaking that I am certainly womanly. The sheer definition of my name means womanly. No joke. I’m simply convinced that the very appeal of having The Look, or at least a sense of vulnerability, say’s, “I’m innocent. I need help. I need to be taking care off.” There’s something intrinsically right and attractive about a woman being both independent and showing that while she’s no damsel in distress she does need help, love, companionship, and to be cared for.
Do you have The Look? Do you know The Look in which I describe? Do you even care to have The Look? For me, “yes” to all the above.