Blame It On Me

Recently I watched an archived  episode of The Dr. Phil Show (don’t judge) about a morbidly obese woman who had gained  over 100 pounds throughout her two-year marriage.  Her spouse was completely disgusted, embarrassed and turned-off by her weight gain that he claimed led him to begin an extramarital affair.  He, and a number of the shows guest found his infidelity acceptable under the circumstances of her rapid weight gain and past unwillingness to control her weight.

The possibility of actually retiring at the age of 55 might actually be feasible if I could have pocketed $1 for each time I’ve heard a woman say, “all men cheat,” or heard a man explain his infidelity with the simple reminder, “I’m a man.”  Oh ok. Well why didn’t you say so?  I’ll just pack my things and go now. Take care.  WTH?

Upstanding men who do not make a habit of cheating – yes, they do exist. At least one I know of for sure.  Right, honey?  I said RIGHT? – should be offended by the “I’m a man” statement used to rationalize blatant disrespect.  I think most of us can agree that, “I’m a man” is a piss-poor excuse, not a justification for cheating. But are there some excusable reasons for infidelity?  Apparently so.

Tune into any of the 1,001 court shows, talks shows, reality talk shows and you’ll witness a number of men and women cheating on their significant other citing that their infidelity is the reaction to first being cheated on.  According to this rule of thought, cheating is not only acceptable, but also warranted.

There is a number of excuses that cheaters have been known to give:  “I’m not built for a long distance relationship”; “I can’t stand your mom”; “you’re boring in bed”; “you knew that I was unhappy”; “your middle toe is longer than your big toe.”  Blah, blah, blah.  The common denominator is that all of these excuses blame the “victim” or the person being cheated on leaving behind the notion that the act of cheating is not the decision of the cheater, but controlled by the person being cheated on.

I’m a firm believer that despite how many home cooked meals one makes, kegel exercises performed throughout the day, or how beautiful one is, it doesn’t guarantee that infidelity will be prevented.  Infidelity is a choice that one makes.  It doesn’t “just happen.”  There is no justifying it, but maybe you disagree…

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5 comments

  1. Krystle

    As I read this I had to think to myself did I at some point write down my thoughts somewhere?? j/k…I have to say that those men who have made a conscience choice to stand up and be ‘real men’ maintaining their fidelity to their companions don’t get enough credit for choosing not to be what others view as men. BTW can someone point me in the direction of that line?

  2. pjgamers

    I’m not one for blaming stuff on TV….but it drives me crazy that on TV infidelity is normal. Why aren’t people shocked and offended?? Why aren’t their women on these shows who refuse to take it (but ya know, without killing their husband and ending up in jail.) It just steams me!

  3. Purrfectly Me

    I could have definitely written this post myself and I have been through this PERSONALLY! I won’t write a full essay, but I really wish those that cheat would just LEAVE their partners if they are not happy and can’t be faithful! And STOP blaming other people and take responsibility for their own mistakes! Grrrrrr….

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