Tagged: Sex

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The Pot Calling the Kettle Disrespectful

Inspiration can be found anywhere and at any time.  I know this because recently I stumbled upon a nugget of inspiration that came in the form of very old web article posted by Greg Dragon, founder, publisher and editor-in-chief at The Hall of The Dragon Magazine.  Mr. Dragon dubbed himself the “professor-guru” of women and their – or, I suppose our – conniving ways and the “sh*t” women – or we, I guess – do to disrespect men.

I know, appalling right?  He considered himself doing the men a favor by “schooling” his fellow species on the evil, sneaky, and disrespectful ways of women. One woman nibbles on a forbidden fruit and suddenly we’re all “evil” seductresses.  Sigh. 

Mr. Dragon warned men to study their “man bible” and pay attention to a few of the following “slights” that women do and self-respecting men should not, despite how fine a woman is, put up with:

  • Wearing an ex’s jewelry – “How can you respect yourself, you making love to your girl and some dudes name is tattooed on her back… she holds your hand in line affectionately with some man’s ring on her finger. Check yourself, check her and look into it.”
  • Going through [his] cell phone – “One way to avoid it, check her hard the first time it happens. Second time you catch her, cut her off, it’s not cool. Do not go through my email, and leave the cell phone alone.”
  • Flirting with a guy via text message or social websites – “If you are married to her and she’s doing this something is very wrong bro.”
  • Allowing her to keep you on the sidelines – “…if it’s worth it to you to be this woman’s male girlfriend, go right ahead.”

I admit, here, there, and everywhere are a few trifling women who should be avoided at all cost. However, Mr. Dragon failed to mention all of the stupid and disrespectful things that some men do.  But, since we, Dear Lady Reader’s, happen to be good, considerate, and respectful women, we’ll pick up his slack.  Shall we ladies?

Yes.  We shall.

Fella’s Stop with This Foolishness:

  • Keep your hands, vulgarity, and verbal assaults to yourself – A lack of self-control is a sign of immaturity and ignorance.
  • Lying for no good reason – Save your lies for when you really need them – getting out of a speeding ticket, perhaps?  If it was you who returned the milk carton to the refrigerator with just a corner of milk remaining just admit it.  It’s only two of us in the house.  It’s kind of obvious.
  • Staring at other women whether or not you’re in our presence – Beauty is everywhere.  Even here with the woman you chose to be with.  Don’t stare.  It’s disrespectful and can be hurtful.
  • “I’ll call you later.”  – Certainly “later” could mean 20 years from today, but really dude?  YOU said you would call.  YOU.  Why on earth would you not follow through with what you said?  You said you would call on your own volition. The old adage has not lost its zest, “Say what mean, and mean what you say.”  Follow through is attractive.
  • Being selfish – Selfishness could apply to a host of different situations and scenarios.  To be specific, stop being selfish in the bedroom.  You are not the only one looking for a “happy ending” so please don’t try to beat us to the finish line every time, especially when you don’t have enough stamina to hit another lap.
  • Behaving like a single-married/attached man – Whether your ring is on or off, you’re still married.  And in case you’re unclear on what a married man should not do, I’ll make it plain.  Married men don’t date or have sex with single women, single men, or other folks who they did not recite vows to in the presence of God.  They also don’t have bachelor pads and pays bills at someone else’s home.  Maybe your mom.  Maybe.  Sometimes.  Lol.
  • Living on the down-low – There are a growing number of men who are openly gay.  If you like men join that growing number instead of endangering the lives, self-esteem, and hearts of the woman who you use as a front to protect yourself from…what?  Criticism?
  • Being cheap – I’m sure I’m not speaking for us all, but I know I speak for many when I say I rebuke the gesture of going dutch on the first, second, or third date.  If we’re going dutch it’s officially not a date.  Thanks friend.
  • Lastly, claiming you’re all that and then some in the bedroom – Stop it! Lmbo!  Just stop!  Your cover is blown.

Thank you Mr. Dragon for the inspiration.  We’ve run out of time here, but consider yourself schooled.

**There is certainly truth in every word, but this post was done in humor and good spirit.  Thank you Mr. Dragon for your insight.**

Don’t Let That Man Outdo You

When I learned that I was pregnant I prayed for a boy.  Shamefully I admit that I even mourned my “son” when my grandmother accidentally revealed the true sex of my little bundle of joy.  Who knew that the reason I didn’t give birth to a son had nothing to do with chromosomes?  I didn’t have a son because I’m not woman enough!  And all this time I’ve been inappropriately placing blame on the slow swimming boys who just couldn’t keep up with the ladies.  Huh. Go figure.

Does this sound like a bunch of foolishness to you too?

Well to the 70 year-young mother of 5 adult men it is a proven theory that “real” women birth men.  When she let me in on the secret I didn’t know whether to be offended or laugh myself senseless.  Decision made.  I laughed my tail off!  She probably reckoned that I was some silly little girl who didn’t know any better so she left me with this little nugget:  “See, you can’t let that man outdo you.”  Now I’m looking at this very beautiful, but elderly, woman and thinking to myself what kind of moves was – or is, you never know – this lady putting on her man?

Without venturing into TMI, I’d say my husband and I have a healthy marriage and if you’ve had the pleasure of being loved by a Leo then you know that this theory is a bunch of foolery.  Or is it?

I shared Grandma Spicy’s theory with a couple of colleagues, a couple of whom had only given birth to boys and but of course they agreed with the theory.  Each recalled the very day they conceived their sons claiming that the conceiving moment is a memory etched in their minds because of the show they each claimed to have put on for their husbands.  Even a few of the women who had  a child of each gender agreed with Grandma Spicy’s theory.

Is this an old wives tale that the women in my family failed to share in an effort to spare themselves the embarrassment of having to admit that they’re a bunch of rigid slouches in the bedroom?  Or should I revisit my first thought in believing that this is a bunch of rubbish.

Of course I brought this to the attention of my husband, whose mother has given birth to two sons and two daughters.  So presumably she was only a slouch half of the time.  Surprisingly, he too agreed and quickly followed his assent up with the offer to allow me the opportunity to prove Grandma Spicy wrong!  This guy…

Thanks to Grandma Spicy my life and my husbands life, at least for the next few months, has been changed in a major way. I now view mothers in a completely new light.  When I see a mother pushing a set of twin boys, I think, Damn.  What kind of tricks has she pulled out of the bag to not “let that man” outdo her?  Hubby gets to benefit from the words of wise 70 year-young woman.  I can’t let him outdo me.  I’m hell bent on demystifying Grandma Spicy’s theory.  Check mate.